alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
