I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
