they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
