omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
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so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
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PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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