he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
