we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
