We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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