Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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