he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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