$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
