It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
