I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
