Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
