im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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