Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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