yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize