I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
