if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Congratulations! We have a period
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