this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
