he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
