Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
