actually, I'm a sock model
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
false alarm, still single
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