i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
