when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
