I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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