just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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