Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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