its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
