last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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