what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
