Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
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Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
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She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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