I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I think people are normalizing furries
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
