yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
