the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
