i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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