After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
