i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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