So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
