I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
