if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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