I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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