God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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