I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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