last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
