You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
