His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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