What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
