i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
