What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
