i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
