As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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