he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
