went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
