Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
