Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
