I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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