Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's shark week go big or go home
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
