My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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