Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
