I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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