Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
