Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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