I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i now understand why vodka
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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