Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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