i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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